How to use Shadow Work to Heal Your trauma

Early childhood emotional injuries cause deep festering wounds. Until we open them up and deal with them, they just keep slowly poisoning us until we die. This is where Shadow Work comes in.

I know this sounds super melodramatic. But developmental trauma has actually been linked with higher risks of pretty much every chronic illness, mental illness, addiction, violence, being a victim of violence, suicide, neurodivergence, and lower life expectancy. In fact, childhood trauma and toxic stress have been shown to cause almost every form of illness and behavioural issue in adulthood.

The ACE Study on Childhood Trauma

Prevalence of Childhood Trauma

The Adverse Childhood Events (ACE) Study identified ten of the most common childhood adverse events (traumas). It also established how prevalent these traumas are in the general population. The ten ACEs include examples of physical, sexual and emotional abuse, neglect, parental violence, mental illness, substance abuse, etc. The ACE study measured the effect of these childhood traumas on physical, mental and behavioural health issues in adulthood.

Shockingly, two thirds of the people studied had at least one ACE. 87% of those people had at least two ACEs. Remember, only ten specific traumas were included in the study. There are actually countless possible traumas a child can experience.

Perhaps even more shockingly, the study was done on a very large group of people who were primarily “white”. They were also “middle class”, college educated, with great health insurance. These people are obviously not considered to be marginalised or disadvantaged in any way.

In fact, most people (including “white” people) seem to believe that having “white” skin somehow excludes people from experiencing trauma. I call this the “No White Trauma Myth”, it is extremely pervasive.

The direct link between childhood trauma and negative health outcomes

The study showed that the more instances of childhood trauma, the worse the likely health outcomes. The more a person struggles with physical and mental health issues, unemployment, homelessness, rage, addiction etc, the higher their level of trauma. The more a person seems to fail at life….the more trauma they experienced as a child.

These are not the moral failings which religion, the legal system, western medicine and psychiatry teach us they are. They are actually unhealed, unconscious trauma responses.

This ground-breaking study proved without a shadow of a doubt, what shamans and healers have always known. There is no such thing as a chronically or mentally ill person, or an addict or violent criminal, who doesn’t have unresolved trauma.

To quote one of my favourite healers, Dr Gabor Mate:

“Anything that is “wrong” with you began as a survival mechanism in childhood”

Dr Gabor Mate

Obviously this means that we need to throw out pretty much the entire Western psychiatric and “medicine” systems. Not to mention the abusive religious societal constructs which underpin these pathologising systems. It’s impossible to heal within systems which blame and shame you for lifesaving coping mechanisms you developed in early childhood. As a result of things you had no control over.

What are the Effects of ACEs on Health and Well-being in Adulthood?

Shortened life expectancy

There is a direct correlation between a persons ACE score, and their physical and mental health. The higher the ACE score, the higher the incidence of every chronic physical and mental illness, suicide, violence, addiction etc. For example, a person with an ACE score of four or more, has a 460% higher likelihood of experiencing depression. Not to mention a 1220% higher likelihood of attempting suicide, than a person with zero ACEs.

Someone with a very high ACE score, like me, can be expected to have a life expectancy of at least twenty years less than someone with an ACE score of zero.

What about Neurodivergence?

Unsurprisingly, ACEs are the primary reason why “neurodivergent” people statistically have such shorter life expectancies. What we call “neurodivergence” is literally just the outwardly observable effects of intergenerational and developmental trauma.

The entire concept of “neurodivergence” pathologises and blames children for not developing correctly under extremely adverse circumstances. Which is deeply abusive in my opinion.

“Neurodivergent” people are also at higher risk of many genetic disorders, which (from a shamanic healing perspective) are the direct result of unresolved intergenerational trauma.

(Note: I use diagnostic and social labels in quotation marks because I reject the pathologising, divisive nature of such labels. I only use them so you know what I’m talking about.)

What about minor childhood traumas?

Unfortunately, since the ACE study only counts ten specific traumas, and there are countless others, people without any ACEs can still have significant developmental trauma. Not to mention serious health consequences.

Even seemingly ‘minor’ childhood traumas, can cause serious physical, mental and behavioural issues later on.

These ‘minor’ traumas can include the following:

Not feeling able to speak to a parent about something you’re worried about or scared of

Not feeling totally accepted for who you are by your parents

Feeling pressured to follow a specific life or career path

Not being taught important life skills

Having to care for a younger sibling or having a sibling with more complex needs

Having a workaholic or emotionally unavailable parent

…And so many more.

Words can do as much damage as fists

Every time your parents made statements beginning with words like “don’t be so…”, “why can’t you….?”, “stop being so…”, “you’re too…”, etc, they were actually shaming you for being yourself. You learnt to reject and suppress that part of yourself. This was your subconscious attempt to keep them happy and make them love and care about you.

Children who are abused or neglected by a parent learn to hate themselves, not the parent. Its a basic survival mechanism.

Unfortunately, even if your parents loved you and “wanted the best” for you, that doesn’t mean you escaped developmental trauma. It can actually be much harder for people with these kinds of ‘minor’ traumas. This is because usually they don’t even realise they are carrying trauma. They tend to believe that others have it worse, and that their own issues are trivial in comparison.

Girls are also socially conditioned from an early age to ignore their own needs and take care of others. Especially when they are the eldest daughter in the family. This expectation is even more pervasive when girls grow up and become mothers. This is why so many mothers struggle and suffer in silence. This is also why most chronic illnesses and autoimmune disorders disproportionately affect women.

Does Having Childhood Trauma Affect People’s Parenting Abilities?

Unfortunately, yes. Some ways are obvious, others are harder to pin down, because they’re done with the best of intentions.

If you are a parent and you feel triggered or attacked reading this section, that is a very strong indicator that shadow work is called for. Please note the italicised words, I am not generalising to all parents with developmental trauma here. Everyone deals with the aftermath of trauma differently.

Factors like housing/financial/relationship stability and access to community support also make a big difference in a parent’s ability to parent. Try not to shoot the messenger and instead read on to find out how you can overcome your triggers.

There is no such thing as a Perfect Parent

Sometimes loving parents struggle to express their love in healthy ways. Either by not showing it enough, or in a smothering, enmeshed kind of way. Where the child is made responsible for caretaking and regulating the parent’s emotions.

Sometimes parents “wanting the best” for their kids can lead to major issues. In parents this can lead to inappropriate boundaries, overindulging or being overly strict, forcing children to perform or conform, etc. In children this can lead to perfectionism, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, addiction, sense of entitlement, etc.

Repeating Patterns

Some parents who were abused, neglected or traumatised as children, follow the same patterns when raising their own kids. These people may have developed low self-esteem or empathy. They may rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms. They may experience a lack of safety and stability, community suport, education, or basic life skills.

Often the only way they know to feel better about themselves, is either by numbing out with addiction. Or by dominating their own children to make themselves feel more powerful and in control.

This is the most obvious way that cycles of abuse (intergenerational trauma) are perpetuated.

But there’s also another way these cycles are perpetuated, which isn’t so obvious. In fact, parents who do it are usually very conscientious and attentive. They truly believe they’re doing the right thing for their children.

This will likely be very triggering, and a bitter pill to swallow if you are one of these parents. Again, please try not to shoot the messenger and read on to find out how to heal yourself.

Taking it to the other extreme

Some parents who were abused or neglected by their parents, believe they’ll automatically do better at raising their own kids. Because they’ll just do the exact opposite to what their parents did.

Unfortunately this isn’t always better, no matter how good the intentions are. Even if we’re not abusive or neglectful, deliberately parenting in the exact opposite way to our own parents isn’t necessarily good parenting either. It’s actually a trauma response, which can also be detrimental to our kid’s development.

Parents who developed very high levels of empathy in response to their own childhood abuse, neglect or trauma, can easily fall into this trap. They think they’re helping their kids by giving constant praise and validation, which they never received from their own parents.

Unfortunately, the reality is very different. This treatment actually creates people with very low empathy and high entitlement. The most damaging people in family dynamics and society in general, are actually the ones who were told how perfect, superior and right they are from a very early age.

Overparenting can be as harmful as neglect

Overparenting causes overprotectiveness, overindulgence and validation of every little thought or feeling as fact. Overparenters will remove all minor discomforts or obstacles in the child’s path. They also overly curate or manipulate the child’s experiences and relationships, etc.

Unfortunately this can foster a sense of privilege and entitlement in developing children. This unfortunately leads to a lack of empathy, resilience, accountability and personal responsibility.

Balance is Key

Children obviously need to feel supported and protected by their parents. But they also need to experience little everyday challenges and struggles. This is essential in order to learn, and develop resilience, character, empathy, problem solving skills, and a good moral compass.

Children also need to be given the opportunity to see themselves realistically. To learn how to deal with criticism, and overcome age appropriate challenges on their own. To interact in healthy ways, cooperate with others, and soothe and validate themselves when necessary.

Of course it doesn’t always play out this way. Some traumatised parents manage to intuitively strike a healthy balance between underparenting and overparenting. Even while parenting through their own childhood trauma.

If you’re one of those parents (you will know if you managed to read this far without feeling called out or attacked), congratulations. I applaud you for your self awareness and strength in not letting your triggers affect your parenting skills.

Take a deep Breath…

If you do feel triggered or called out, and want to launch into an angry tirade in the comments section. Please stop.

Step away from the phone or computer, go walk or sit outside for a bit. Do some deep, slow breathing, and try to calm yourself down. I’m not attacking or judging anyone.

I’m just describing common trauma responses which can affect how parents parent. As well as the impact this may have on developing children.

It’s astounding how quickly people loose reading comprehension and insert their own narrative when they become triggered. Triggered brains literally rewrite words to make the triggering feel justified.

I know this because I’ve worked with a lot of triggered people. I myself was also an extremely triggered person, before I started intuitively doing Shadow Work.

Whether we want to accept it or not, the fact is that most (if not all) humans have developmental trauma. Most of those who are parents, pass their trauma on to their children, in one way or another. Generation after generation.

I realise that this might all feel really horrible and hopeles, but it’s not the end of the world.

Fortunately, many of the effects of trauma on physical and mental health and life expectancy, can be reversed. The most effective way is by using shamanic healing techniques, like Shadow Work.

What exactly is a shadow, and how can Shadow Work help?

Shadow work is the practice of actively healing your trauma.

How are shadows created?

Trauma is intrinsically linked with shame. When we experience trauma, it’s not just because something bad happened to us.

Trauma occurs when we have no control over a situation.

Trauma occurs when we lack the language, comprehension, or support needed to process what happened to us.

Trauma occurs when we are forced to hide or repress part of ourselves, our needs, or our emotional pain.

We do all this subconsciusly, in order to protect ourselves and survive dangerous, unsafe, or dysfunctional situations. Repressing these parts of ourselves was essential for our survival at the time, but this is not sustainable long term.

Every trauma we experience, either creates or gives strength to our shadows.

How do shadows affect us?

Our shadows drive our beliefs and behaviours, whether we’re aware of them or not.

When we’re unaware of what really motivates us, we don’t understand why we do things. This makes us easy to manipulate by mainstream media outlets and corporations. They use our vulnerabilities to divide and control us, and sell us endless products and entertainment to fill the void.

When we are unaware of our shadows, we go through life being triggered and outraged. Projecting the rejected parts of ourselves onto others. Which allows us to attack them for doing exactly what we are subconsciously doing or repressing in ourselves.

Most people strongly dislike empaths. This is because empaths naturally act as mirrors, reflecting people’s shadows back at them. This is also why empaths struggle so much with anxiety, depression and isolation.

While empathy and sensitivity are traits we are born with, very high empathy is also usually a trauma response. It results from having to carefully study the behaviour, thought processes and emotions of an abusive, neglectful, or emotionally absent caregiver. This is necessary to predict their moods and behave accordingly. Either to have our needs met, or avoid rocking the boat and being punished.

Our Shadows can show themselves as:

Feeling like it’s our job to argue with and “educate” strangers on the internet

Gatekeeping

Feeling morally and intellectually superior to people with different opinions or beliefs

Trying to control other people’s behaviour (especially with shame)

Blaming other people for our problems

Pointing out perceived flaws in other people’s character, mannerisms or appearance

Constantly seeking external validation

Mindless consumption

People pleasing and constantly putting your own needs last

Constantly seeking distraction (like doomscrolling)

Inability to just sit quietly with ourselves

…and so much more

Again, I’m not trying to judge, attack or shame anyone. I used to do pretty much all these things myself, to a high degree. If you do feel triggered, I encourage you to keep reading and find out how to work through it.

How does Shadow Work Help?

Shadow work is the process of facing your traumas and the darker or suppressed aspects of your personality. With honesty, patience and compassion.

It requires you to release the shame and victimhood associated with your traumas. Then integrate those hidden and rejected parts of yourself (your shadows) back into your conscious awareness.

Shadow work requires you to look very closely at your own behaviour. It allows you to identify the ways in which your own choices and beliefs are hurting (or have hurt) you, and the people around you.

It involves digging deep inside yourself to find the root cause of why you made these destructive or damaging choices. (Spoiler Alert: It’s poor childhood trauma coping mechanisms). Shadow work involes forgiving yourself, and making the commitment to take responsibility for your behaviour in the past, present and going forward.

The term “Shadow Work” was coined by the 20th Century Psychoanalyst Carl Jung, but the practise is based on anccient shamanic healing techniques, historically used across all cultures. These kinds of practices are often seen as a way to achieve healing, spiritual awakening or enlightenment.

Trauma is soul loss, Shadow Work brings lost soul parts back

In shamanic healing, we believe that every time we experience trauma, we lose a part of our soul. It’s not gone forever, but it becomes locked away from our awareness. We are unable to access it, until we release our trauma, and make space for the soul fragment to return. Then comes the work of integrating that part of ourselves back into our conscious awareness, with love and acceptance.

This will sound super gross, but it’s really the perfect analogy:

Trauma is a deep wound, a festering infection, covered by scar tissue. Unless you willingly open up and expose the depths of this wound to the air and light, and allow the poison to drain out, it will slowly kill you. Multiple traumas or complex trauma, mean multiple wounds, which will only kill you all the more quickly.

Again, I know it sounds melodramatic, but unhealed trauma is literally a matter of life and death. The more traumas you have, the more important shadow work is, not just for your health, but your survival.

You cannot survive, let alone thrive, with significant portions of your soul missing.

Sadly, this is why people in this state often feel like like the only viable options are numbing themselves with substances until it eventually kills them, or cutting out the middle man entirely and committing suicide.

If you have or plan to have children, healing your trauma is even more important, because you need to set an example of healthy self-awareness and embodiment, and a well regulated nervous system, for your kids. If you already have kids, it’s not too late to start. The better regulated your nervous system is now, the better your children’s health outcomes will be as adults, even if things didn’t start out perfectly.

Is Shadow Work easy?

To it it bluntly, no. Shadow work is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination (although it definitely gets easier with practise). It’s incredibly painful, messy and exhausting. If I’m being perfectly honest, it can be utterly brutal. It is the crumbling away of everything you thought you knew about yourself, your relationships, society, and how the world works. It requires the courage to accept that everything you know is wrong, and to start all over again.

Broken people feel ashamed of their brokenness, not realising that being broken is actually a good thing. It means that you realise things are not working the way they are (both for you personally, and in a broader societal context). You’re actually in the perfect position to throw away the pieces which don’t work for you, and rebuild yourself and your beliefs in a more honest, aware, and authentic way. Being broken is often the first step of spiritual awakening.

Unfortunately most people never make it past this step, because they are not strong enough to face their own pain and feel their way through it.

Or they want to, but just don’t know how to move forward, because modern hussle culture only values productivity and perpetual growth. Our society actively discourages self-reflection and awareness. And our medical system only pathologises and medicates trauma reposnses, rather than addressing root causes.

It’s so much easier to just numb yourself with substances, addictions or distractions, and live in denial of your wounds. Or perpetually live as a victim, blaming everyone else for the problems in your life.

What are the benefits of Shadow Work?

I realise that I’m probably not making it sound very appealing. But there are massive benefits from doing this work, (besides y’know…avoiding every kind of chronic illness and an early grave).

At the other end of the process, you will have learnt nervous/immune system regulation, self-awareness, and radical self acceptance.

You will experience a marked reduction in chronic pain and other symptoms.

You will have developed healthy boundaries and shed unhealthy relationships, habits, beliefs, behaviours and labels.

You will become bombproof. Nothing can trigger you when you have no triggers. You will become essentially unf**kwithable.

There are actually so many benefits of doing Shadow Work that this section became so long, it needed it’s own article! Find out what they are in my Benefits of Shadow Work article. Please give it a read, because it was originally supposed to be part of this article, and it adds a lot of context.

So how do I actually do Shadow work?

Please note that this is just a guide based in my own intuitive experience. There is no “right” way to do shadow work. If you intuitively feel like doing it differently, go for it! Feel free to use this as a starting point for developing your own practice.

Every time you avoid or run away from your trauma, you actually make it worse and harder to heal (which is why as a shamanic healer, I refuse to use trigger warnings). All you’re doing is adding another layer of scar tissue over that festering infection. If you felt triggered at any point while reading this article, right now is the perfect time to stop running, and confront those feelings head on.

If you find this process too difficult or confonting at any point, don’t try to force it. Go outside and take a break for a while. Put your feet on the earth, feel the sun and the breeze on your skin, listen to the birds singing, watch the clouds roll by. Play with a pet. Talk with a partner or trusted friend. Sing your favourite song. Do whatever it takes to reconnect you with the present physical reality and pull yourself out of triggered victim mode.

The first step of Shadow Work

Is to acknowledge that every time you feel anything negative, angry, defensive, judgemental, painful, uncomfortable, etc, it’s likely a trauma response which has been triggered somehow.

Trauma responses are not your fault in any way, but they are your responsibility to heal. You are the only one who can heal yourself. Other people can support you on your healing journey, but they cannot do the work for you.

If you have a trusted person, it’s a good idea to let them know that you are doing this work and that you may need additional patience and support (if they have the capacity to provide it).

If you have very heavy trauma and don’t have anyone who can support you, you may want to consider finding a trauma informed therapist (see my notes at the end of the article for more info). You can also do this on your own, but you should have a really good handle on grounding techniques and self care before you begin.

Preparing for Shadow Work

Try to prepare yourself as much as possible, to go on a deep and likely very painful inward journey, which may also be physically painful.

You may want to make your favourite drink, maybe a snack, and get comfortable. I prefer to be outside whenever humanly possible, so I recommend doing that if you have access to private garden or somewhere you can be alone.

I don’t recommend doing this in a public space, unless you have it all to yourself are very unlikely to be disturbed. Trust me, it can be messy and you don’t want spectators. If lying on a blanket on the ground is an option, this gives you the best access to the Earth’s healing, grounding energy.

Tea helps with Shadow Work!

My Uplifting Herbal Tea Recipe is excellent for helping you to feel love and gratitude for your childhood self, while releasing the shame associated with your trauma, and integrating the lost parts of your childhood self, into your conscious awareness.

You may want to write things down in a dedicated Shadow Work journal, or you may prefer to just sit and think. I tend to just sit and think, but do whatever feels natural to you. If you like to journal, have your journal and pen nearby, in case you want to use them.

Use my free printable

I’ve also created a Shadow Work Journal Prompts Printable (which I’m making available for free to my readers), if you would like a convenient list of question prompts for your Shadow Work practise.

Before any kind of spiritual or energy work, it’s always an excellent idea to ground and center yourself. If you’re unfamiliar with how to do this, check out my article on grounding techniques.

When you’re ready to start doing Shadow Work…

Pick a starting point

Think of a recent occasion when a situation, conversation, person or event, made you feel triggered:

Upset, angry, jealous, resentful, ashamed, guilty, defensive, afraid, threatened, aggressive, judgemental, outraged, self-righteous, fawning, prople-pleasing, self-sacrificing, emotionally shutdown, etc.

Despite the overwhelming urge, DO NOT run away from those feelings and/or project them onto other people, but sit with them instead.

Sit with them. Sit with them. Sit with them.

This is extremely uncomfortable at first, but I promise it does get easier with time. Try to focus on taking deep, slow breaths, especially if you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed.

Be very gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel any emotions you would normally try to suppress.

Try to name the emotion and identify the pattern

Try to identify the specific emotions you’re experiencing. This is difficult for people with alexithymia, but remember that alexithymia is just another pathologised trauma response. It comes from being gaslit by a parent or caregiver about the validity of your own feelings, from an early age. This needs healing too.

Think very carefully about why this person or situation made you feel triggered. Can you identify any specific words, actions, behaviours, or circumstances which you think may have caused you to feel triggered?

Can you think of another situation (or maybe several) in your life when you felt similar emotions? Does this follow any pattern you can identify? Could your reaction to this recent situation be related to past events or patterns?

How exactly did you react to the situation? Why do you think you reacted that way? Do you think you could have responded in a more appropriate or healthier way? Do you need to apologise to anyone or take responsibility for your behaviour?

Have you ever done the same thing which made you feel triggered, to someone else? If so, how does that make you feel? Can you find a way to forgive yourself, and release the shame you are carrying?

Is there anything you could change about your own beliefs or behaviours, to prevent this type of situation from triggering you again in future?

Physically releasing Trauma, Pain and Shame with Shadow Work

Find where the the trauma is stored in your body

After identifying and acknowledging your trigger and its related trauma response, the next step is to find where the associated pain and shame lives in your body, and release it.

Trauma is stored in our physical body. It needs to be consciously released from our body to create space for healing and growth. From a shamanic healing perspective, this is also creating space for our missing soul fragment to return.

Doing the cognitive work alone is never enough in my opinion. This is why the traditional types of therapy often fail. Just rehashing the trauma over and over again, can actually retraumatise you and make it much harder to heal. This can be really crushing, especially when you have specifically sought out professional help and probably spent good money.

A lot of mainstream New Age Shadow Work practices seem to also skip this stage, and treat is as more of an intellectual journaling activity. I’m not saying this is wrong, I just don’t believe it could possibly be as quick and effective as using body and energy work.

To physically release your trauma, pay close attention to the the physical sensations in your body when you think about your trigger. Can you identify any pain, tightness, a heavy feeling, tingling, dizziness, nausea, etc? Try to pinpoint the source and place your hands over the area.

Breathe into the trauma

Keeping your hands in place, breathe slowly and deeply as you connect with and acknowledge these physical sensations.

Remind yourself that you are perfectly safe and that this is a necessary process. It will likely be very painful and difficult at first, but the longer you acknowledge the pain or other unpleasant sensations, the easier it gets. I promise.

Stay with it as long as you need to, until it eventually feels bearable. It’s really important to feel your way through it until you can accept it, so don’t rush this.

Release the trauma

When you have reached the acceptance stage, it’s time to release the pain and associated shame.

Shift your focus to using deep, powerful breaths to push the trauma out of your body.

Gather up the pain into your diaphragm as you inhale deeply through your nose, and push it out forcefully as you exhale slowly through your mouth. If you’ve ever done yoga, it’s a similar breathing technique.

It may help to visualise it coming out as a colour. I usually see it as heavy sludgy black-brown, but it’s also been a sickly yellow for trauma which was related to illness and surgery. You may associate your trauma with different colours entirely, or none at all.

You will likely also feel the trapped emotions coming out of your body in different ways. This is often experienced as shaking, rocking, coughing, wailing, moaning, crying, etc. This is perfectly normal, it’s just your nervous system regulating itself.

My body has also given me hysterical laughter and full body contortion as a trauma release from my near death experiences, so expect the unexpected! Whatever comes out, just go with it. Let it come without judgement, and allow it to run it’s course. Whatever it is, it needs to come out.

Go deeper if necessary

If you experience physical pain, huge muscle knots, spasticity, tender points and joint subluxations, like I do, you will probably also need to self massage at this point. Unfortunately this isn’t a nice relaxing massage, so prepare yourself for more physical pain. Just try to keep in mind that this pain you will experience now, is going to prevent you from experiencing worse pain, illness, disability and even premature death, in the future.

To release deeper trauma, poke around a little until you find the most painful muscle knot/tender point you can. Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale slowly through your mouth, press as hard as you can into that spot with your thumb or fingertips. Keep pressing until it hurts so much you almost start to cry. Don’t stop at this point, but press just a little harder.

Keep breathing with the method described above. Keep pressing and exhaling very deeply until you feel the release. At this point, pressing it will suddenly hurt far less than when you started. You may also feel whole muscle groups suddenly relax with the release if you found the right trigger point. Use your breath to gather the pain into your diaphragm/lungs and push it out and away from you.

If you have multiple knots, unfortunately you may have to do this for each one. This is pretty gruelling and can take a long time (especially if your knots are numerous and widespread like mine). But you will experience a marked reduction in pain and tenderness when you are finished. Just bear in mind that you may experience minor short-term bruising afterwards. If this is an issue, I recommend using arnica cream or comfrey balm on those areas.

…and rest

When you can identify that you feel significantly more comfortable in your body than when you started, you’re done with releasing, congratulations!

For now, anyway…. Healing is cyclical, not linear, so you will likely need to revisit this trauma in future. The goal of doing this work, is that each time you circle back to this trauma, the pain lessens and it becomes easier to identify and release.

When you have finished releasing, stay where you are until you feel ready to move. It’s normal to feel tired and drained after this work, but it should improve after a day or two at most. When you are ready to get up, you may want to shake your hands or your whole body, to remove any lingering negative or stagnant energy. Alternatively you can sweep your hands over your body from head to toe and then flick them away from you.

Finish with grounding

It’s a very good idea to ground yourself again at this point, to help balance your energy. You may be feeling a little fragile, so visualising a protective bubble or golden light surrounding you may also be helpful. Especially if you have to interact with other people.

If you were working indoors, you may want to open a window and light some incense to help clear the air.

If you released some particularly heavy energy, you may want to cleanse yourself and the space by burning a dried herb bundle, ringing a bell, or playing your favourite music, singing and dancing around.

You may also like to take a cleansing shower or bath, and visualise washing any remaining negative or stagnant energy down the drain.

Of course, this is just one trigger you have worked on.

You likely have many more than that which need to be addressed, but don’t rush it or force it.

Shadow work (especially the physical release) is very heavy and exhausting, so make sure to balance the work with plenty of time in nature, rest, and self care. Make a point of seeking out experiences, people, and things which make you feel happy, light, grateful and fulfilled.

Integration

Once you have identified how your own beliefs and behaviours contribute to your triggering, and released the pain and shame associated with your trauma, it is time to integrate.

This means going through the process of accepting, loving and welcoming back those rejected parts of yourself. From a shamanic healing perspective, you are calling back the missing fragments of your soul which were locked away in your body, and allowing them to rejoin your consciousness.

There’s not really a specific formula for this, it’s mostly just finding your way to radical self acceptance.

The integration stage can take some time….days, weeks, maybe months. Don’t try to rush it, just give yourself space to process everything you experienced. Integration is different for everyone, but its not unusual for it to take several sessions with breaks inbetween. You may like to journal through it, go for walks in nature, just sit quietly in meditation, do yoga, dance or move to your favourite music, or do something else entirely.

When integrating, I find it incredibly helpful to alternate time in nature, with doing some repetitive activity with my hands, like embroidery or knitting. Time in nature (or at the very least, outside the house) allows my mind to wander and make connections it otherwise might not.

Doing repetitive physical actions with my hands (especially those which cross the midline) while deep in meditation, seems to really help me reconnect my consciousness with my physical body.

Next steps

Further reading

I highly recommend the following books for more information on the the trauma/illness connection:

When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Dr Gabor Mate

The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma by Dr Bessel Van der Kolk

Ancestor Work

In New Age Shadow Work, the ancient spiritual practice of working with the ancestors, is often overlooked.

Those of us who feel called to do Shadow Work and break dysfunctional family cycles, are the current healers in our lineages. When we work with the ancestors as our guides, we can see how the patterns we are trying to break and heal from are not ours alone.

They are the result of hundreds, or even thousands of years of intergenerational trauma in our lineages.

The added historical context and their guidance, love and support (which we never got from our living family), allow us to heal not just our own trauma, but that of our entire lineages.

In my experience, we usually reincarnate along family lines, for the most part. With practice and connection with the ancestors, we can even heal and integrate trauma from our own past lives.

Remembering the healers we have been in the past, and integrating those memories, allows us to take back all our power in this lifetime.

Ways to connect with the Ancestors

An easy way to start working with the ancestors, is to think of any family members who have passed on, whom you can identify as healers, or at least “spiritual” in some way. Can you think of anyone who loved gardening, nature, herbalism, astrology, crystals etc? They’re usually good people to start with.

Try lighting a candle to honour their memory. Give thanks and ask for their guidance and protection in this work.

My Auntie was a Buddhist who was also into crystals and astrology. Her father, my Papa, was an environmentalist, avid gardner and Grand Master Freemason, among other things. They’re both always with me and I can speak to them whenever I like. They hug me in my dreams and when I’m awake. It’s the most beautiful feeling.

Further back, on the other side, there is my third great grandmother. She imigrated to Australia while escaping religious persecution in Germany. She was a midwife and herbalist, most of my folk herbalism comes from her. The story goes that her husband (my third great grandfather) accidentally cut his thumb off with an axe. She bound it back on with spiderwebs, and it grew back on!

There are so many more in every branch of my family. Those who are closest in time are easiest to connect with though.

Ancestor Shrine

If there is nobody you can specifically identify or were ever really close to, you can connect with your ancestors in general. You can do this in meditation, or you can create a small ancestor shrine where you light candles or incense, and give offerings and thanks on a regular basis.

Ancestor shrines can be very helpful for establishing a connection, but my ancestors tell me they don’t require a dedicated space, offerings or formal thanks anymore (they appreciate me collecting and honouring found objects like feathers, leaves, acorns, rocks, bones, sprigs of herbs, individual flowers etc…but they don’t expect it or want it for themselves). It’s enough for them to know that I am walking the path of the healer.

Genealogy

If creating a shrine or the concept of “ancestor worship” feels a bit contrived or unnatural (I realise how hard it can be for westerners to accept and openly acknowledge our spirituality), try genealogy. Researching your lineages and find out more about your ancestors, where they lived, and the customs they likely practiced.

If you feel like one or more particular cultures or nationalities in your ancestry resonate very strongly, maybe you could think about learning about some of their traditional celebrations, recipes, or even their language.

Traditional skills

Another really simple and effective way to connect with the ancestors is to take up traditional crafts and skills, especially ones your ancestors likely used. Try things like gardening, herbalism, cooking from scratch, preserving and fermenting foods, sewing, knitting, mending things, wood or leather carving, etc. As you practice these skills, think of your ancestors also practicing these same skills. Try to visualise a common thread linking you through the centuries.

Working with the ancestors is such a beautiful way to heal from family wounds. I can’t recommend it enough. I’ve never been hugged by a loving mother or grandmother, but connecting with the ancestors feels like I’m being hugged by a thousand loving grandmothers all at once. It feels like overwhelming unconditional love and support. It feels like being home, for the first time in my life. I’m so deeply grateful for their presence, words cannot express it.

Please consider giving it a go, especially if you have little or no connection with your living family members. There are healers/healed Ancestors in your lineage who want to support you in this work, and they are only waiting for you to reach out.

Therapy

Shadow work is an extremely accessible practice which anyone can use. However, if you are finding it too difficult or painful to do on your own and you don’t have anyone in your life who has the emotional capacity to support you in this work, you may need to seek the help of a Trauma-Informed Therapist. There’s absolutely no shame in this.

I find that social workers actually have the best understanding of trauma and how to handle it, they also tend to be easier to access through community health services, and are usually more affordable, if not free.

I was lucky enough to get access to an amazing trauma-informed social worker a couple of years after my nervous breakdown and extreme health decline. When she didn’t have other clients booked in, she would let me just sit and talk for hours at a time. Until I had to stop talking when my voice became hoarse, and I needed to rest.

Those sessions didn’t cost me a single cent (thanks to Australia’s universal healthcare system). They gave me a safe space to get a lot of the poison caused by my lifetime of abuse and neglect, out of my system.

Psychologists and psychiatrists are not equipped to help you

I don’t really recommend psychologists. Although they allow you to vent and can sometimes provide validation, they generally do not understand trauma, nor how to heal it.

Psychiatrists are even worse. They really don’t understand trauma, don’t actually care what’s causing your issues. They really only want to give you drugs to numb you and make you more docile and compliant. So abusive people and societal systems can further traumatise you.

The most important thing is to find a therapist who doesn’t gaslight or invalidate you. Otherwise they’ll just retraumatise you, making it even harder to heal. It’s honestly better to have no therapist than one who sabotages your healing.

Write letters

Another practice I found really helpful, was to write letters to the people who let me down (mostly my family members). In these letters, I wrote down all the horrible things, how they made me feel, and how they impacted me longterm. I found that the act of verbalising and writing it all down, gave me a way to acknowledge the damage done, and release my anger and resentment in a healthy way. It really helped me to get a lot of the remaining poison out.

I used a blank google document on my phone to write my letters, but pen and paper is always good too.

But don’t send them

The most important part of writing these letters, is the fact that I did not send them and later deleted them (if you use paper, you should safely burn them when you’re ready).

I understood that my healing could never be dependent on my family taking responsibility for their own behaviour, apologising, or attempting to make amends. I’d be waiting until I was dead. Literally. They’re just not capable of it, or certainly weren’t at that point in time, anyway.

If you feel like you really want to send them, I’d suggest sitting on them for a month or so first. If you still decide you want to send them after that, you should be prepared for the very high possibility that you will not get the response you are looking for. If you do get it, it’s unlikely to be lasting or genuine.

I believe that trying to seek validation from the people who hurt you, is actually one of the worst types of self harm. Your healing can’t be dependent on on other people, especially those who are damaging and seriously lacking in self awareness. That’s giving away far too much of your power.

In conclusion

Shadow work is a simple (don’t confuse this with easy) practice, which anyone can use, to identify, release, and integrate their trauma. It is accessible to everyone, because it costs nothing and you can do it on your own, in your own time, with no special training or equipment.

Have you tried doing shadow work? Do you have any other tips or things you found helpful? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

I normally sign off my articles with “happy…..” but shadow work is really not that type of thing. Instead I’ll end with this:

I wish you the strength to confront your shadows and to learn to love them.

Peace.

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